Ever the real estate magnate, President Trump pondered purchasing Greenland from Denmark during a meeting of economic advisors.

The proposal may seem off the map, but Trump is actually the third president to broach the issue.

I think presidents get confused about what the island of 56,000 people actually has to offer when they see it on a Mercator projection.

The corn-derived sweetener known as High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) is only (only!) 42% fructose. Big Food is putting a high octane version directly in food products that is 90% pure. Did Big Food name the new product Double Plus Good Corn Syrup? Extra Deadly Corn Syrup? Half the Cost and Twice the Margins Corn Syrup? No.

It’s called “Natural Sweetener”. How can something be natural when it’s the result of an industrial chemical process that includes fermented mold, you ask? Let’s see how natural HFCS-90 is:

To create HFCS-90, corn starch is converted into common corn syrup (glucose) via exposure to different enzymes, one being the product of fermented Aspergillus (mold). The second step converts the glucose into its kissing cousin (isomer) fructose by rearranging the atoms in the glucose molecules; this creates HFCS-42.

HFCS-90 is created by passing HFCS-42 through an ion exchange column whereby undesirable ions are sequestered by appropriately charged resin (small beads of crystalized alien sweat (or similar)).

This is your “Natural Sweetener”.

Burger King started selling the Impossible Whopper provided by Impossible Foods this month (but that’s not the whopper referenced by the title).

Glossing over the GMO Frankenfood that is the Impossible Burger (packaged as a Whopper), Impossible Foods insists that its food-like product “bleeds like real meat”. Meat does not bleed, because it does not contain blood (“I’ll take ginormous biohazards for one-thousand, Alex.”).

The reddish fluid in steaks and hamburgers is myoglobin – literally, muscle juice!

The most widely-predicted event in recorded history has transpired, with the discovery of the body of Jeffrey Epstein in his New York City jail cell this morning.

Epstein had two suicide attempts in as many weeks despite being on what NYC called 'suicide watch' - which apparently has nothing to do with suicide prevention.

The tragedy, of course, isn't the death of a predator, but the loss of the person who could expose the entire predator network, which some reports date back to the 1950's.

Here's how representative government works. The government receives feedback on a topic:

“The overwhelming majority of comments [>99.9%] from the general public, including the more than 20,000 letters from the write-in campaign, did not support the continued registration of sodium cyanide predacide uses (M-44 devices)," – EPA statement

Then it does whatever the hell it wants: EPA Re-authorizes Cyanide Traps.