HEADLINE: US man teaching dog how to drive arrested after high-speed chase.

Who said things aren't getting back to normal?

Welcome to the Banana Republic of America.

The pastor of the White House cabinet's bible study group says CoV is God's wrath.

This being a democracy, let's vote on whom gets thrown into the volcano.

A government stooge told me that people are not panicking. I guess it must be "1980's Poland Week" at the supermarkets.

Maybe they should put up some signage.

If the Coronavirus does not signal the end of civilization as we know it, Tom Brady signing with Tampa just might.

Four senators dumped stock prior to the market downtown but after closed-door CoV briefings to the tune of $11,000,000 total.

Felony murder is generally defined as a homicide that occurs during or peripheral to the commission of a felony.

Kelly Loeffler R-GA and Jim Inhofe R-OK could each be looking at several thousand counts of felony murder because insider trading is a crime and people have died as a result of their inaction.

Dianne Feinstein D-CA and Richard Burr R-NC are lucky enough to live in states where the felony murder rule would not apply – but that does not make them any less despicable.

Every hour there is a doomsday headline citing computer models.

Has a computer model accurately predicted anything, ever?

To break the cycle of CoV headlines, Tom Brady has quit the Patriots.

Thanks, Tom.

Add casinos to the list of industries looking to the federal government for a handout, including airlines, cruise ships, and hospitality.

"This is not a bailout, this is considering providing certain things for certain industries." – SecTreas Steve Mnuchin

Well, I'm glad he cleared that up.

Quarantine: Separation of suspected patients for evaluation. Also; prophylactic separation.

Isolation: Separation of confirmed patients to prevent transmission

The "experts" inciting panic by asserting large numbers of undiagnosed CoV patients are the same "experts" who used to treat tuberculosis by removing ribs and exposing lungs to the air.

As expected, Bernie got Biden'd in Michigan. Here's just one plank of his platform, paraphrased:

Eliminate all fossil-fuel power generation and convert all public and private transportation to electric, then nationalize the power grid.

(Ok, maybe it's more than one plank.)

Subsequently, the logistics and economy of the entire nation would be dependent upon the same people who deliver the mail.

Sorry, Bernie. Democrats are not Soviets.

Trump's fresh-from-the-wrapper Chief of Staff has quarantined himself, to which John Kelly commented, "Now why didn't I think of that?"

When Bernie gets his hat handed to him in the Michigan primary tomorrow, consider this: Bernie is not, never has been, and never will be a Democrat.

He switches his registration for presidential elections and masquerades as a Democrat. While Bernie may have substantial support from the progressive wing of the Democrat party his platform conflicts with the DNC platform and, as Super Tuesday revealed, the majority of Democrat voters.

Sorry, Bernie. Democrats are not communists.

Learn more about Bernie's politics here (must be a registered user). 

Just in case CoV doesn't create a cataclysm, the DoD has a backup plan. 

A circle has 360 degrees because the Egyptians miscounted the number of days in a year.

Imagine how fun math would be if there were 365.25636 degrees in a circle.

Popular support for Bernie's Medicare-for-All program is being bolstered by a number of studies that suggest it would be cheaper than private insurance because the government can do it better and cheaper than the private sector.

Listed below are all of the things the government does better and cheaper than the private sector:

The Free Stuff Sweepstakes has lost all entertainment value as it has devolved from a bunch of rich people promising to give you all of the other rich people's money to a bunch of rich people accusing the other rich people of not being good stewards of other rich people's money.

At this point, I'm wondering what was so bad about monarchies.