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Presidential candidate Marianne “Don’t call me Crystal Lady” Williamson has proposed the creation of a Secretary of Peace and a Department of Peace (not to be confused with 1984’s Ministry of Peace).

“Lasting peace requires its active and systematized cultivation at every level of government and society … Nothing short of broad-scale investment and government reorientation can truly turn things around.”

Ok, maybe it should be confused with 1984’s Ministry of Peace.

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The Air Force's new billion-dollar Nuclear Command and Control Facility in Nebraska is being named after confessed war criminal Curtis LeMay.

If Congress or the President were truly concerned about the environment, there are several actions that can be taken immediately that are entirely within their purview.

One of the those actions is to prevent the ~490 ships in the U.S. Navy from dumping their waste and garbage into the ocean; something the Navy has been doing with impunity for 244 years.

All garbage generated by a Navy ship is collected in plastic bags (as one might expect), but then those plastic bags – full of plastic – are simply heaved over the side.

I presume all Navies – save those from perhaps the most conscientious European countries – do the same.

Ever the real estate magnate, President Trump pondered purchasing Greenland from Denmark during a meeting of economic advisors.

The proposal may seem off the map, but Trump is actually the third president to broach the issue.

I think presidents get confused about what the island of 56,000 people actually has to offer when they see it on a Mercator projection.

The corn-derived sweetener known as High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) is only (only!) 42% fructose. Big Food is putting a high octane version directly in food products that is 90% pure. Did Big Food name the new product Double Plus Good Corn Syrup? Extra Deadly Corn Syrup? Half the Cost and Twice the Margins Corn Syrup? No.

It’s called “Natural Sweetener”. How can something be natural when it’s the result of an industrial chemical process that includes fermented mold, you ask? Let’s see how natural HFCS-90 is:

To create HFCS-90, corn starch is converted into common corn syrup (glucose) via exposure to different enzymes, one being the product of fermented Aspergillus (mold). The second step converts the glucose into its kissing cousin (isomer) fructose by rearranging the atoms in the glucose molecules; this creates HFCS-42.

HFCS-90 is created by passing HFCS-42 through an ion exchange column whereby undesirable ions are sequestered by appropriately charged resin (small beads of crystalized alien sweat (or similar)).

This is your “Natural Sweetener”.

Burger King started selling the Impossible Whopper provided by Impossible Foods this month (but that’s not the whopper referenced by the title).

Glossing over the GMO Frankenfood that is the Impossible Burger (packaged as a Whopper), Impossible Foods insists that its food-like product “bleeds like real meat”. Meat does not bleed, because it does not contain blood (“I’ll take ginormous biohazards for one-thousand, Alex.”).

The reddish fluid in steaks and hamburgers is myoglobin – literally, muscle juice!